You can't special order awesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
