Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize