VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My liver just had a heart attack.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
