I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize