My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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