apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
