Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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