you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
