you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
