Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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