the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
