i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
