I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
