Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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