I just pynch a tree in the face
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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