she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
