I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
