i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
