Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
