I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
