I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
