You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
