im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
