Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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