did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
