There was a lot of him and a little penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
