I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
