I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
