I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
