I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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