last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
