i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He felt like a one man threesome
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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