and she was petting her beer can
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
