my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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