Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize