I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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