I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made him laugh his dick is mine
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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