$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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