I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
