i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
