So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize