You're so nebulous sometimes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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