sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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