you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
