Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
