Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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