Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
