Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Damn victory sex feels great
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize