what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
