im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
