Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
