Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
