She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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