Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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