u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
