I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
