soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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