also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize