I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Be still, my beating vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
