i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
