I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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