M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
