is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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