your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
