my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
