Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize