Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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