help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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