it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
