my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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