i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
