theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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