She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
