Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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