We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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